Erica Bilski is a 34 year old woman who works in the tech/product/audience of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and holds her MBA. I met Erica about 10 years ago when we both worked at the Athletic Facility Center at Chatham University. I took the work study there because it was a quiet place to get my homework done; and Erica took the work study there because as a natural athlete, it was a perfect fit for her. So it comes as no surprise that years later, she still loves to play basketball and softball with her friends, and has most recently become slightly very obsessed with her Peloton.
Having been friends with Erica on Facebook since our classes at Chatham, I have had the joy of watching her find a career, get married, and in the most recent years, become an amazing mother.
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I seriously smile every time I see all the photos that Erica and her wife post of the activites they lovingly do with their son. As June was approaching, I knew that I wanted to honor Pride Month through an authentic community voice, and I immediately thought of Erica and Heather. Without hesitation, they both agreed to answer some questions for our Macaroni Kid readers.
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While I was excited about this interview because of my personal connection with the mama's, when our assistant publisher intern Alexus decided she wanted a shot at turning the interview into an article of her own, and I couldn’t turn her down. You can see how she created a beautifully written story from the following interview questions in her article HERE.
 | Thank you ladies for taking the time and having the willingness to participate in this interview. I am so excited to share your story with our South Hills families. Erica, I knew absolutely nothing about your dating life when we were in school together, so tell me a little bit about how you met Heather. |
 | Heather and I met almost 11 years ago through mutual friends. As soon as I met her, I knew I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. We will be married for 5 year in August, and we have made our lives exactly what we both imagined for ourselves. |
| That is a long time to be together! Congrats on your upcoming wedding anniversary. It sounds like you two must really like each other ;) Erica, what are some of your favorite qualities about Heather ? |
| Heather is extremely smart - this was one of the main reasons I fell in love with her. She is strong-willed and hardworking, always putting our family before anything else. Heather is also very kind and generous, which is one of my favorite things Emerson gets to learn from her every day. |
| It's crazy because I have never met Heather in person, but from following you both on social media, I can just see the kindness and love she has for you and Emerson through the things she does. What about you, Heather? What keeps you hooked after almost 11 years?! |
 | My favorite thing about Erica is the way she cares about Emerson, me, and her family. She is extremely thoughtful and easy-going...honest and compassionate...with a side of silly and fun. |
| That is so sweet! It sounds like you two really have an appreciation for each other as mothers. But, before Emerson, it was just you two for many years and then you decided to get married. What does it mean to you to be a wife? |
| I think it means being a support system for my wife when she is going through her best and worst times. I also think it means to love someone no matter what you are going through together or individually. |
| Being a wife means having someone with whom to share the good times and even the bad times, knowing that no matter what...we will always be there to support each other. I was so excited to become a wife, knowing that our next journey would be MOTHERHOOD (since we both knew we wanted to start a family right away)! |
| And what an exciting journey motherhood is! How did you know you wanted to become parents? |
| I’ve ALWAYS known that I wanted to become a parent. I thought I wanted 6 kids! (HA! Who knew that kids required time and LOTS of money.) I grew up babysitting all the kids at church, my 2 younger sisters, and all the babies in my town. Erica did not grow up surrounded by kids, however. (She was focused on sports.) But, when we talked about marriage, she always brought up the fact that she wanted a family of her own. And, we did not wait long after getting married to start our family journey. |
| I personally never knew if parenting was right for me. I was never really around young children or babies growing up. I don’t think it was until like 5 or 6 years ago that I watched my friends raise their babies and I saw the joy of being around them and sharing “family” events with them that I thought “I want that for us”. I knew Heather wanted a family and would be a great mom. I knew I would be able to learn from her experience being around babies and just be the type of mom that I wanted to be with my child. |
| Erica I can totally relate to that. Isn't it crazy to think that these kids bring joy to our lives in ways we never could have imagined or even knew that we wanted? I don't think I knew how much I'd love being a mother until I became one myself. Can you tell me about your parenting journey thus far? |
| Well, it’s ups and downs. Chaos and sloppy kisses. ER visits and bedtime snuggles. And, I wouldn’t change one moment of it! It has genuinely been the most rewarding and my FAVORITE journey of my life so far! I am so proud to be the mother of an amazing son, and even more proud to be parenting with my wife who always knows what each of us needs...and is there to love us, support us, and fill in any gaps! Annnndddd….we are about to announce our biggest secret yet! (We’re expecting a baby girl in December!) |
| So far I can’t complain. Our son Emerson is going to be 4 in September, and he is a dream child to be honest. He has slept pretty much through the night since day 1 and basically decided one day that he was not wearing diapers day or night, and we have never looked back. Outside of him being great, I think we have learned a lot about each other in terms of who can stay calm in certain situations and who may need to walk away, lol. I think parenting with Heather has strengthened our relationship in a way I didn't think was possible. I think parenting makes us both the best versions of ourselves because we want Emerson to be the best version of himself. After a little over 3 years in to parenting...we are doing it again (:-)) |
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| Eeeeeek!!!! Congrats! I am so excited for all of you! I am such a FB creep and was loving the announcement photos. You'll have to fill us in on how Emerson feels about being a big brother when his little sister arrives. That news gives me all the feels!! All the love you've given Emerson, we get to see you share even more of it. What is your favorite thing about being a mom? |
| The unconditional love I have for my family. It is an indescribable feeling (that I’m sure all parents can understand). I have also loved seeing the world through my son’s eyes. There are endless “firsts” that a child goes through, and I am so incredibly blessed to be a part of them! From his first steps, to his first boo-boo, to his first trip to Disney World, or his first airplane ride, and his first day of school. I wish time could slow down because it does seem to fly by so fast! |
| My favorite thing is those special moments when they tell you they love you or that you're their best friend. It really lets you see what kind of influence you play in their lives, and you don’t even know it. |
| Baaaaaaaah! I'm not crying, you're crying. ALL. THE. FEELS.... and time does fly by SO fast so eat up those special moments while you can! But as any mom will tell you, with all those happy moments, the hard ones are present too. What do you find is the hardest thing about being a mom? |
| Oooohh...this is a tough one. I think the hardest thing about being a mother for me is remembering to find time for myself and my wife. At first, date nights with just the two of us were tough because I had the HARDEST time leaving my son. But, dating your spouse is an important part of being a family, and they help us to reconnect and reset (even if we spend the entire date talking about our son). |
| I think patience would be mine. What may have taken like 30 minutes now takes an hour and a half. I am also go go go and I need to be reminded or remind myself that I need to slow down. |
| I'm glad to know we aren't the only couple that spend our date nights talking about and missing the kids! And Erica, YES!!! That was a big adjustment for me to get on kid time. Unfortunately, I've been on it for so long now, my time management could use a tune up. In spite of the hardships that come along with parenting, how do you teach your son to be a good person? |
| Honestly, I think we try our best to lead by example. We choose our friends wisely and surround ourselves with genuinely good people. Our son is also very curious and asks lots of questions, which gives us many great opportunities for those teachable moments. |
| I think we make it a point to talk about our differences from other families, and how other families can be different from ours. We try to have those talks or read books to illustrate kindness and how being different is what the world needs. Not everyone should be the same, or it would be a boring world. We also make it a point to teach manners in our house. We both grew up in homes that did not tolerate rudeness. Furthermore, we teach Please and Thank You can go a long way. |
| Now that's what I want to hear from parents in the 'Burgh. What do you like about living in the South Hills? |
| I could go on and on! I love the school districts. I love the community. I LOVE our neighborhood! Our friends live in the South Hills. Emerson’s grandparents live nearby. There are so many great parks, shops, and restaurants here too! |
| I was born and raised in the South Hills, so it is familiar to me. It is close to family and friends. I think it also gives kids a sense of diversity as it is close to the city but not city living. |
| Have you faced any adversity in the community? |
| Honestly, not really...and I’m proud of the community for that. Even our son’s preschool has also been nothing but accepting and more than accommodating! In fact, our son has been to a few birthday parties of his classmates, and at one of the parties I overheard one of his classmates say to him, “you are so lucky because you have two moms”! (It was such a raw and beautiful moment, and I almost started crying!) We’ve also been extremely fortunate to be surrounded by a solid foundation of friends and family. |
| Absolutely not. We have always been welcomed anywhere we have lived. We currently live in Jefferson Hills, and we could not say enough about how lovely our neighborhood and neighbors are with making us feel welcome. I would say I have never personally felt unwelcome or judged. |
| How are you celebrating Pride Month as a family? |
| We celebrate pride more on a daily basis as a family. We read books about different kinds of families and answer questions as they arise. Not only that, but we try to prepare our son for any adversity he may encounter, but also arm him with the foundation of love, good morals, and acceptance of all people and families who may be considered by some as “different”. |
| We recognize the long and hard battles that many LGBTQ individuals have endured along the way for us to feel open and comfortable with who we are today. We usually explain the past with Emerson if questions arise, but we will celebrate as a family who gets to be legally recognized as a family unit every day. |
| Thank you both so much for sharing some of your story with our readers in honor of PRIDE month. Is there anything else you'd like our readers to know? |
| I think one thing that we often get questions about is how we had Emerson. We personally prefer when people ask rather than assume a crazy story. We conceived Emerson (and growing baby) via IUI and purchased anonymous donor sperm from a recommended sperm bank. We went through a local fertility clinic that did all the necessary testing to ensure Heather was healthy/able to conceive a baby. With Emerson it was on our first try and with growing baby it was our second try and our last vial of the same donor. I think it is important to talk about what lesbian couples options are when it comes to having a family. We really didn't know until a friend went through it. Since we have gone through it, we have shared our story with many other couples that just are unaware. |
| Yes! The one thing we get the most questions about from the lesbian community is how we started our family. So I figured I would share. We worked with an amazing fertility clinic located in Penn Hills called the UPMC Center for Reproductive Endocrinology (Dr. Snook is our doctor). The process we used to get pregnant with our son is called IUI (intrauterine insemination). We were actually shocked to get pregnant on the first try! IUI is a non-invasive and much more cost-effective way to get pregnant with donor sperm...which leads us to the last bit of information...donor sperm. We decided on an anonymous donor (with similar features and interests to my wife) from Fairfax Cryobank (in VA). The Fairfax sperm bank was one of three recommended to us by our fertility doctor. |
