Life is a wonderful journey of surprises, joyous moments and trials. Having a partner to share it with makes it all worthwhile. The partner we do get to share our life with and grow with is unexpected and out of our control. It just happens. It's not a choice. Who we love throughout our life, is also out of our control. We don't get to pick our family, just like we don't get to pick our lovers. We are all different; that's the point of being individuals. If we were supposed to be the same, then we would have been made the same, with the same thoughts, morals and appearances.
The definition of pride is a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated. Pride is about showing your true colors and wearing them proudly. It's about embracing who you are and who you love, because it is not something to be ashamed of. This June, let's all have pride in who we are and show the world what love should like: peace. Erica and Heather Bilski wear pride well, and they celebrate it every day with their 4-year-old son, Emerson.
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Heather and Erica have been on their journey of love for 11 years; almost five years as a married couple and four years as mothers. They have always been a strong support system for one another and both agree that being a wife is about loving each other through the bad times; both individually and together. But their relationship has only grown stronger since they decided to have Emerson.
Heather knew for as long as she could remember that "having six kids" was what she wanted. Growing up being around and babysitting children, she always knew about the joys and funny moments kids bring with them. Erica only knew she wanted to be a mother when she saw her friends raising children, the happiness it created within a family. Watching her friends share those moments with their child and family, she thought, "I want that for us." She knew becoming a parent with Heather would be a learning experience, but a rewarding one. I guess, without knowing it, finding your person brings out the best version and goals for yourself.
"Parenting with Heather has strengthened our relationship in a way I didn't think was possible," said Erica.
Every parent knows about the "first's" you experience with your children and how special they all are. They also know about the trick time plays on you once you have your first child; it never stops. Heather's favorite part about being a mom is experiencing all those moments and seeing the world through her sons eyes.
But some other special moments, some of Erica's favorites, are when she hears "I love you," or "you're my best friend." That's when you really get to see the influence you have in the lives of your children without even realizing it.
Unlike Heather, who wishes time would slow down, Erica needs to remind herself to slow down because she always keeps moving.
Patience. That has been the hardest part about being a mom, according to Erica.
"Everything that took 30 minutes to do before, now takes an hour and a half," says Erica.
Slowing down every once in a while and taking time for yourself is important. In those moments you can remind yourself of the couple that started this beautiful family in the first place. Heather says dating is an important part of a relationship and one of the hardest things to do. You get so attached to your child, you don't want to leave them. But, as a couple, you need those nights with just the two of you to reconnect and reset.
Arguably the most important part of being a parent is how you raise your child. Teaching them right from wrong, giving them good morals and values to use in making their own decisions, showing them how to respect people and treat people with kindness. This is especially important for LGBTQ+ families to prepare them for adversity. Heather and Erica said they celebrate pride daily by reading books about different kinds of families and explaining the past as questions arise.
Celebrating PRIDE as parents involves arming our son with the foundation of love, good morals and acceptance of all people and families who may be considered by some as "'different,'" said Heather.
Part of being an LGBTQ+ family is experiencing adversity, but luckily, these South Hills mom’s haven't experienced much of that. In fact, Heather recalls a moment at one of her son's classmates birthday parties. The classmate said to Emerson, "You are so lucky because you have two moms."
"It was such a raw and beautiful moment," Heather said, "I almost started crying. We've been extremely fortunate to be surrounded by a solid foundation of friends and family."
This couple feels strongly about sharing their story and journey in the lesbian community about how they started their family. Sharing their story is important to help other lesbian couples who don't know their options and are going through it for the first time. Heather and Erica worked with Dr. Snook from UPMC Center for Reproductive Endocrinology, a fertility clinic located in Penn Hills. The process they used is called IUI, Intrauterine Insemination, a non-invasive and much more cost-effective way to get pregnant with donor sperm. They decided on an anonymous donor, with similar features and interests as Erica, from Fairfax Cryobank, VA. The Fairfax sperm bank was one of three recommended by their fertility doctor. They were both shocked to get pregnant on the first try but had such a great experience there, went back and are now expecting a new addition to their family come December.
Being "different" is okay. We're all different, and we should embrace it more, not hate each other for it. We should be proud to be different. Different from those who came before us because we learned from their mistakes. Different from those who come from other places because we can all learn something from one another. Different from our parents because they want us to be better than they were. Different from who we were yesterday, because we are fighting to be the best versions of ourselves. "You were born with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred," said Olivia Rodrigo regarding having pride. Celebrate your PRIDE this month and everyday forward because you ARE different, different in a way that makes you perfectly YOU.
This article was written by Macaroni Kid Intern Alexus Miller based on the interview with Erica and Heather that you can find HERE.
